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Reconciliation, Just and Parent-Child Forgiveness

Reconciliation, Just, and Parent-Child Forgiveness

The Four Planks of Reconciliation

The four planks of reconciliation are necessary for building the bridge for relationship reconciliation. The first plank is Decisions, where a person needs to decide whether he/she wants to continue investing in the relationship. If a person feels that further investment is unsafe, then he/she can decide not to pursue the relationship. Some people choose to reconcile implicitly, which is an approach that is often misunderstood, yet others choose to reconcile explicitly. A person should wait before making a decision to reconcile if he/she is extremely stressed or is venting in anger. The second plank is Discussion. A person needs to create a soft attitude of humility and empathy to foster vulnerability and openness to discuss the issue affecting one’s relationship. The third plank is Detoxification.  A relationship breaks up after the build of toxic interactions dismantles it. The toxin build-up must be reversed, and one way of doing so is moving from contempt to normalcy, past defensiveness, and criticism. The fourth plank is Devotion. A reconciled relationship is founded on devotion by resolving one’s grief over lost trust, using empathy to build love, minimizing the negative, and enhancing the positive.

How to Promote Just Forgiveness

When one is hurt in a relationship, the focus tends to be on self. However, the first step that one needs to take is to subject the hurt relationship to Jesus Christ. This means forgiving the offender and asking God for forgiveness for oneself. It also requires that one confesses one’s sin to avoid provoking one’s partner. After doing so, one has to promote personal peace by avoiding rumination, a response that exacerbates the situation, reconciling with God, working toward increasing justice to the system, reconciling with the estranged person, forgiving the person, and forgiving oneself.

The Main Obstacles of Parent-Child Forgiveness

Electronic devices and the internet have become a major part of 21st-century children’s lives. Children are continually exposed to messages of violence and sex, making it difficult for parents to keep up with their children. The electronic mass media and culture influence the perceptions of children who perceive their parents to be irrelevant in their world. Parents, on the other hand, tend to be detached of their children’s worlds as they are self-absorbed in their personal pursuits. Being harsh on children has a likelihood of drawing them further away from their parents. Parents also find it hard to admit they are wrong and to tell their children they are sorry. They find it difficult to ask forgiveness from their children, which forms an obstacle to their relationship.


Worthington Jr, E. L. (2013). A just forgiveness: Responsible healing without excusing injustice. InterVarsity Press.


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Reconciliation, Just, and Parent-Child Forgiveness

Reconciliation, Just, and Parent-Child Forgiveness

1. Read pages 111-118 about Self Forgiveness
2. Review Powerpoint on Self Forgiveness (based on the reading).
3. Identify an area or experience where you feel you do not forgive yourself. Do you have a hard time forgiving yourself for something?
4. Work through the Exercise to Promote Self– Forgiveness (using the REACH model) with an experience you need to heal…You do not need to share this point in your paper. You may do so if you want. It is all confidential, sometimes it helps us to say things. Gets them out of our system
5. Read Chapter 6. Explain the four planks of reconciliation
6. What can be done to promote just Forgiveness?
7. What are the main obstacles to parent-child forgiveness?

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