When Sexual Needs and Expectations Among Partners Differ

When Sexual Needs and Expectations Among Partners Differ

Introduction

There is a lot of excitement when people fall in love for the first time. The strong desire for adventure and physical chemistry always drives the coupe. When the love matures from this stage, it gets into intimacy, where the couple may want to stay together and do everything together instead of only connecting sexually. However, the most significant challenges in a relationship often come at the point of marriage since a lot might not emerge when people are in the initial stages of a relationship. Sexual needs, desires, and actions are some of those things that can be a challenge in a relationship. Couples should, therefore, be aware of conflicts in sexual desires, expression of intimacy, and attachment and how they can be solved. Do you need help with your assignment ? Reach out to us at eminencepapers.com.

Conflicts in sexual desires

Once in marriage, a couple may find that they conflict in their sexual desires. For instance, one of the partners may have a higher libido, meaning they may have a stronger desire for sex. According to Antonsen et al. (2020), women commonly have the biggest challenge in this area. In other words, women have lower sexual desires in most relationships, and several factors can cause this. Hormone fluctuation, pregnancy, and stresses related to relationships can affect the sexual desire of women. It is also important to note that men can have lower sexual desires. In such a case, when the female partner has a more robust sexual desire, they often want to engage in constant cuddling, touching, and romantic expressions (Hogue et al., 2019). The male partner may, however, respond differently or may be distant. The couple should be aware of these conflicts and talk openly to identify a middle ground and the source of the lowered libido. Behavioral therapy, stress reduction, and even hormonal medication can be used to help this couple increase their sexual desires.

Conflicts in intimacy

Couples may have conflicting approaches to showing intimacy and creating a relationship style in a relationship. One partner may desire the complementary sexual style manifested in equity (McCarthy & Ross, 2018). In other words, in this case, the partner enjoys a relationship where each partner is treated equally in a relationship. Some partners may manifest the traditional style where the man is considered a sexual initiator and gets fulfillment through intercourse frequency, and the woman receives satisfaction in intimacy and stability. Another partner or couple may find familiarity in the best friend couple style. In this style, the partners encourage intimacy and mutuality (McCarthy & Ross, 2018). Emotionally expressive style is another style that couples can use, and this is manifested in the ways the couple takes sexual risks and strongly displays eroticism (Hillier, 2018). Hence, couples should be aware of the conflicts that may arise in how they express their intimacy and settle for the right intimacy style that can keep the relationship stable.

Conflict on modes of attachment

The way couples make attachments in their relationships can also cause conflicts. According to McCarthy & Ross (2019), teams can have four attachment styles. There is a secure attachment where one meets one’s partner’s needs even without them communicating. Disoriented attachment is the second attachment manifested in how the partner feels insecure and fearful. This kind of attachment can result from childhood issues or past relationships. Then there is the ambivalent attachment manifested when a partner in the relationship is very needy and mainly shows a lack of self-esteem. The last type of attachment is the avoidant or insecure attachment. This attachment style is seen when a partner is cautious about making an emotional connection. Based on these attachment styles, one can see that the type of attachment can also make a relationship stable or weak. A couple should identify the styles that cause stability; thus, a secure attachment is preferred.

Conclusion

Marriage relationships can have serious challenges that can affect the relationship, leading it to fail. Sex and intimacy can be a big problem, as seen in this discussion. They are finding the right approach to their sexual relationship, especially where one of the partners has a lower sexual drive. Conflict on the expression of intimacy can also be a problem, and attachment to a partner can cause issues. Couples should be aware of these needs and how they can be handled.

References

Antonsen, A. N., Zdaniuk, B., Yule, M., & Brotto, L. A. (2020). Ace and Aro: Understanding differences in romantic attractions among persons identifying as asexual. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 49(5), 1615–1630.

Hillier, K. M. (2018). Counseling diverse groups: Addressing counselor bias toward the BDSM and D/S subculture. Canadian Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy, 52(1), 65.

Hogue, J. V., Rosen, N. O., Bockaj, A., Impett, E. A., & Muise, A. (2019). Sexual communal motivation in couples coping with low sexual interest/arousal: Associations with sexual well-being and sexual goals. PLoS ONE, 14(7), 1–20.

McCarthy, B. and Ross, L.W. (2018) “Maintaining sexual desire and satisfaction in securely bonded couples,” The Family Journal, 26(2), pp. 217–222. Available at: https://doi.org/10.1177/1066480718775732.

McCarthy, B., & Ross, L. W. (2019) Relational style and couple sexual style: Similar or different. The Family Journal, 27(3), 245-249.

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This week, you will create a Podcast titled “When Sexual Needs and Expectations Among Partners Differ.” For this assignment, you are a special guest on a podcast called “Getting the Most Out of Your Relationship.” Consider that the audience will be a mixed audience of professionals and interested people who want to think more about their relationship(s). Additionally, reflect on clinical work with diverse clients.

When Sexual Needs and Expectations Among Partners Differ

You are hoping to help people feel like they are not alone in their challenges and/or that there are ways they can consider these challenges differently.

You will describe/define at least five situations (based on research) where partners might experience different sexual needs or expectations and how this might influence the dynamics of the relationship or the needs of the individuals in the relationship. You will discuss how these situations might be approached in therapy and/or tools that people, in general, could use (based on research) to approach these differences.

Note that you may have to describe the intervention or therapy style understandably because of the mixed audience. For example, rather than saying, “EFT is a good model to use with this,” you might say, “There is a field of therapy called Emotion Focused Therapy that helps couples who might have experienced a break in trust, by rebuilding a safe space for the partners, the sexual challenge (X) can be better addressed.”

When Those in Relationships have Different Libidos, Different Sexual Expectations, or Different Sexual Orientations
As a therapist, you will encounter partners who may share challenges when it comes to how they are experiencing sexual needs and desires. These can take a variety of forms. It might be that you have a couple who has been in a monogamous relationship for years, and one partner just is not as interested in sexual activity as the other (Hogue et al., 2019; McCarthy & Ross, 2019), you might have partners in a relationship where one is more interested in kink sexual dynamics and the other is very reserved sexually (Hillier, 2018), you might have partners who have different sexual orientations (e.g., maybe one is heterosexual and the other is bisexual and this makes a difference in their sexual needs and desires), you might see partners in a relationship where one defines themselves on the asexual spectrum (Antonsen et al., 2020).

When you are working with more than one person in a relationship, the topic of sexual needs and desires can play a role in the overall defined happiness by the individuals involved (Hogue et al., 2019). There are shifts in thinking about the role of sex in relationships (e.g., how “important” or “needed” is sex?). This is something only the people you are working with can define. For example, in relationships where one person is asexual identified, this individual may not be interested in sex; maybe they do engage in sex with their partner as a way to “give” to them (Antonsen et al., 2020). In this case, the lack of sex may not be considered an issue because the other partner values or understands their partner’s identity. There could also be a dynamic where past sexual traumas could shift the way the partners engage in sexual activity (that they may not feel is problematic to them as a couple or as individuals). For others, one partner may state that they “need” a certain type/amount of sexual experiences in their life that they are not receiving from their partner. In other cases, sex can be used by couples as a way to control, persuade, or manipulate one another.

As you can see, addressing sexual differences can be based on the situation the partners are in and how this is playing a role in their daily lives. Therapists must recognize that they may have their reactivity or expectation of sex when it comes to how they define healthy sexual relationships (McCarthy & Ross, 2019). This week, you will discover how sexual wants, needs, desires, and actions can challenge those in relationships and how you might be able to address these as a therapist.

References

Antonsen, A. N., Zdaniuk, B., Yule, M., & Brotto, L. A. (2020). Ace and Aro: Understanding differences in romantic attractions among persons identifying as asexual. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 49(5), 1615–1630.

Hillier, K. M. (2018). Counseling diverse groups: Addressing counselor bias toward the BDSM and D/S subculture. Canadian Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy, 52(1), 65.

Hogue, J. V., Rosen, N. O., Bockaj, A., Impett, E. A., & Muise, A. (2019). Sexual communal motivation in couples coping with low sexual interest/arousal: Associations with sexual well-being and sexual goals. PLoS ONE, 14(7), 1–20.

McCarthy, B., & Ross, L. W. (2019) Relational style and couple sexual style: Similar or different. The Family Journal, 27(3), 245-249.

McCarthy B., & Ross L.W. (2018). Maintaining sexual desire and satisfaction in securely bonded couples. The Family Journal, 26(2), 217-222.